A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day.

She gets up the next day and it's raining.

It also rains the day after that, and the day after that.

She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair asks, "Hey,
kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"

The boy says, "How should I know? I'm only 6!"

Three Canadians and three Americans are travelling by train to a hockey game. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. "How are you three guys going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one American. "Watch and you'll see" answers one of the Canadians.

They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the bathroom door and says " Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Canadian's trick on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Canadians don't buy any tickets at all! "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see" answers a Canadian.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into one bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby. Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves their bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door, and says "Tickets, please!"

Three expectant fathers, an American, a Jamaican, and a Canadian, were in the hospital waiting room. A doctor comes in and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, "The good news is that you each are the father of a healthy baby boy. The bad news is that we've mixed them up." The three new fathers walk into the nursery. The American guy goes right to the Jamaican baby, picks him up and starts rocking him. "What are you doing?" the Jamaican guy asks, "That is obviously my son."

"I know," said the American guy, "but I didn't want to accidentally get the Canadian kid."

In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."

The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".

The American thought - "That bastard Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".

The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again".

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth.

So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

You know you're a Canadian when...

01. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.

02. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".

03. You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".

04. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

05. You drink pop, not soda.

06. You know what it means to be on pogey.

07. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean, "Party at the camp, eh!"

08. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.

09. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba; it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.

13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.

15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

16. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

17. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

18. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".

19. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".

20. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".

21. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

22. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

23. You participated in "Participaction".

24. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".

25. You wonder why there isn't a 5-dollar coin yet.

26. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.

27. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

28. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

29. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

30. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

31. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.

32. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

33. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.

34. You know what a toque is.

35. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.

36. You know Toronto is not a province.

37. You never miss "Coaches Corner" [We Bostonians know all about Grapes too :-) ].

38. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.

39. You use "elastics", not rubber bands.

40. Your "SO-rry", not sawry.

41. Your Mother is your Mum, not your Mom.

42. You know the words of "The Star Spangled Banner" from all the hockey games you've watched on TV.

43. You see "Dunh da Dunh da Daaah" and immediately think of the "Hockey Night in Canada" anthem.

44. You honestly believe Smarties are better than M&M's, and can taste the difference.

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