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Maybe it's true that LIFE BEGINS AT FIFTY
But everything else
starts to
wear out, fall out, or
spread out.
 There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss
of memory.
The other two I forget.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you
don't have to go along.
Middle age is when work
is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
 Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
there are five women to
every man.
Isn't that the darndest
time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when
the girls at the office
start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.  By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go
anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow
in the middle.
 Of course I'm against sin;
I'm against anything
that I'm too old to enjoy.
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.
What must hell possibly
be like?
Home videos of the same
reunion?
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his
doctor instead of by the police.
 Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one
that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize
that caution is the
only thing you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means
I don't need to take a
laxative.
 Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it
will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down
if it had to work its
way through Congress.
You're getting old when getting lucky means
you find your car in
the parking lot.
 You're getting old when you're sitting
in a rocker and you
can't get it started.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know
until the 4th of July.
 You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do
anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet:
if it tastes good, spit
it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that
you are not a hypochondriac.
 It's hard to be nostalgic when
you can't remember
anything.
You know you're getting old when
you stop buying green
bananas.
Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound
mind, I spent all my money.
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